I almost can’t believe how difficult this project can be for me.
Leigh Kramer is doing a series at her site about the connection between the Enneagram and blogging styles/motivations. I find it fascinating because she moves in some similar circles to me and so I’m learning about a number of online friends’ types. Thankfully, since I’m a ’2′, I didn’t have to wait long to read about my blogging style and type. She posted the ’2′s profile on Wednesday.
“Twos are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs.”
All this to say, I have wrestled to #ChooseMeFirst this week. All the excuses. Different schedules. Sickness in the house. Blah, blah, blah.
But I have been anticipating this weekend. Cuz, by pure grace of the scheduling gods, ALL THREE TEENS WILL BE OUT OF THE HOUSE SATURDAY OVERNIGHT! (Don’t come over.)
And then, miracle of miracles, a Story Sister is coming to visit me Saturday morning. I can’t believe it. A real meeting in the flesh with a woman from a group of women I am interacting with online several times a day. I get to hug my first Story Sister in the flesh!
What does all this mean? I care about the house. I want it ready. It has been a loooooong time since I have not been embarrassed to have people over, especially someone I don’t yet really know.
And I have painfully learned over the years that the dogs, husband, and teens will not cooperate and most likely work against my plans. It’s just too much energy and life to be controlled and contained.
So Wednesday I set out to prepare my way. First, I set aside 3 hours and cleaned.
Then I went to the paint store and bought new paint for my front door. Just in case I’d have time to tackle it (I don’t) See the big yellow swatch? I want a sunny and popping front door. #Brilliant #TheDesireMap
Thursday, I scheduled a workman! A helper!! He spent over two hours steam-cleaning my car in our driveway. It was very dirty…we have never done it before (“because it wasn’t in the budget”) and there were years of road trips, camping, and dog hair galore. Then he came in and did my two floor rugs in the downstairs, also a first time ever.
The house was starting to feel ready for my taste. I was feeling prepared. Calm. Excited about my Saturday. Ready to move the furniture back onto the rugs and sit down with something soothing and imagine what I wanted to serve her for lunch.
But then last night I walked into the kitchen after a couple hours of writing and found this:
Wait for it…
My ’2′ness doesn’t want to offend you by telling you the swear words that rose up within me. You know how people post trigger warnings about abuse, etc. online? Well no one gave me my trigger warning. I need trigger warnings for DIY, leaks, remodeling, and all things kitchen-related. I told you my family cannot be contained. I might be taking my Story Sister out to lunch, easier said than done in my rural life. But, at least the car will be clean.
How will I #ChooseMeFirst today? Stay tuned…
How did/can you choose yourself first today or tomorrow? Join me?
#ChooseMeFirst is a 45 day series that started Feb 10 and will take me through my 45th birthday up to an event that makes me particularly anxious. I plan to chronicle my process online, because I don’t do much of value without an audience. To read about my WHY , click here.